chocolates, wine, and why i don’t talk while relaxing…

26 Jun

About a month ago my bestie’s hubbie got together with my future hubbie and bought us spa packages. My bestie is a new mom and totally earned her’s as a Mother’s Day gift. I’d like to think I have earned mine packing and wedding crafting for the last 8 months…but when stacked against exploding dirty diapers and all forms of spit up, my reasons for relaxation seem pretty tame.

Viva Day Spa in Austin, Texas has some of the best reviews on Yelp I have ever read. You would think that Viva Day Spa were some sort of mix between the fountain of youth and a religious experience. Needless to say, I was excited. Tracy and I walked in and filled out the information cards – I’m convinced those  aren’t used to glean anything about your skin care routine or needs there in, instead they are used to make you feel super guilty about your day to day bad choices no i don’t use sunscreen as often as I should, yes I use $3 face wash..

Typically I go to the fly by night mani/pedi place down the street from my apartment. Frankly, the talented and wonderful women that work there do not speak the same language as me, and I find it very relaxing. Not that I wouldn’t love to hear the things they have to say, because I would. Chiefly I’d like to know how the hell they make my hands and feet look so miraculously different in 20 minutes. But just knowing that besides pointing to the color I like and where I want it on my body, I’m not responsible for any conversation is just very relaxing for me.

Viva Day Spa was a little different. I love talking, but I’m not particularly good with new people and while my chatty kathy of a bestie was totally hitting it off with her talented lady, I felt obligated to at least test the water. The conversation pretty much went like this, ” Oh, you’re getting married, that’s great! Are you going anywhere for a honeymoon?” Me, excitedly: ” Yes, we are going to Hawaii for a week. Have you ever been?” Talented lady, ” Yes.” Me, unknowingly opening pandoras box, ” Did you like it?” Talented lady, with an impressive amount of disparaging gusto ” NO”. Okay, listen lady, I’m not very good at this. Could you not just immediately squash the one thing we found in common? To make things worse, I then asked,” Oh yeah, what did you not like about it” The nice lady then went on to tell me that it was because of the flight, oh boy gee did she thing it was a long flight. STOP. I am supposed to be relaxing. Why am I discussing with someone my number one fear? I felt like I had done due diligence at this point, and just sipped wine and ate chocolates with enough frequency that conversation would have been difficult anyway.

After visions of my newleywed self and husband plummeting into the Pacific, a facial sounded like a great next destination, and it was. It was probably the most relaxing 60 minutes of my life…until we started to talk. ( See what I mean about keeping quiet!?!) Talented lady asked me about my bikini waxing plans, recommended that I come in for a trial run. Perfectly reasonable suggestion. She then asks when my wedding is. I happily reply, August 4th. To which she replies, “Oh that’s soon, that’s really soon.” ( italics AND bold for emphasis, people). Oh good, a panic attack right after relaxing for 60 minutes…lesson learned.

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